The Hurt Cycle

By definition a cycle is “a series of events that are regularly repeated in the same order”. What I call the “hurt cycle” is the a series of events that have happened in the past that have cause you hurt and trauma to be repeated in a simultaneous manner with someone else as the victim, ultimately causing yourself more hurt.

In other words…hurt people, hurt people.


Why does this happen? Why do we end up hurting others the way we never wanted to feel?

My book is all about taking responsibility. When we find ourselves in this cycle, on one side or the other, we first have to take responsibility for not taking responsibility earlier. You have to be honest with yourself and your actions.

Your actions speak directly from the unprocessed hurt. The same hurt you feel will hurt others because of the loneliness and lack of love you have for yourself. You seek love from someone who is capable of providing it when you’re not able to give the same in return. You manipulate weaknesses for your own advantage. It’s selfish and it’s a cycle.

Living in shame and guilt from your own past unresolved hurt and traumas only allows past history to repeat itself.

Lack of self-forgiveness leads to self-sabotage.

You close yourself off and just as much as you hurt others, you hurt yourself more. Substances and other poor coping mechanisms are abused only amplifying the hurt served and unprocessed. False promises are made and they are detrimental. These promises break down confidence, they project hurt through reckless actions, insecurities are highlighted and self-love is hindered with shame.

These are the deep roots of the of the hurt cycle.


Hurt people, hurt people. Take responsibility for not taking responsibility earlier for your unprocessed hurt. Break down your hurt so you do not hurt anyone else. Don’t hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it. Stop the cycle.

How do we do this?

Date yourself. Truly, love yourself. Be with you.

In order to do this, identify and live by the values and morals you have and promises you have made to yourself about the person you want to be. Forgive yourself, respect yourself and take the space for YOU to become that person.


P.S. I want to hear from you! Email me questions, thoughts or topics you would love to read about at kayla@kaylalogue.com.

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Heart Unburdened: Forgiving Them, Forgiving You

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Mind Over Emotions: Processing vs. Reacting